He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
