my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
