I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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