Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
