You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
