i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
