I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
