I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
