There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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