Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize