Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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