she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
