The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
not ubering you a puppy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
