Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
