Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
