The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
