You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
