READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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