Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
