The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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