you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
