My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
