and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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