You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
