yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
