Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk walkin through police station. America
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
