This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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