I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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