like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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