I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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