Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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