i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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