does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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