Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize