The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
