i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
