Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
