I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
