We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
