Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
