I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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