I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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