at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
