if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
