Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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