she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
