So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
