sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize