obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
