my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
