i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
