well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
