he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
