he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
