we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
