he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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