I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I deserve this hangover.
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