so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is an emotional support booty call
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
