she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
