I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
