I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
