Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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