cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there is glitter all over my balls
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