70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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