I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
