If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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