i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
