I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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