do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
