how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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