If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
