I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Shame - the story of my life.
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