$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
