"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He passed out mid-signature
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
