last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
