my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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