what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize