Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
