you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
