My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
