Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
