my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
