one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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