She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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