So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
