I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
