A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was born a porn star she said
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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