I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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