please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
