he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
