I wish my penis had an off switch
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
