i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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