My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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