Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
