Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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