Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
