So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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