Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
