thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
