I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
