Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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