dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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