i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
