My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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