That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
