it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
