he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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