We named our party play list daddy issues
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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