hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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