Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize