I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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