And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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