I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
