U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
