What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
