i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
