How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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