I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
