dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
