I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
