Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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