nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
